A sad, greasy ostrich

I've been without my female concubine ostrich for four whole days, and I feel lonely.

This is not an ostrich emotion. I've been hanging out with people like J.R. Ewing for way too long. Worse than that, I've been listening to Supertramp's greatest hits. TALK ABOUT DEPRESSING! They keep telling me to take the long way home.

The other day, Elizabeth Robicheaux told me she was heading to Mexico for a couple of days. As luck dictates, I, myself, will be burying my head in the sand in San Diego, California, very close to Mexico, indeed.

Do you think she'll meet me for a Mimosa?

Chickens are so stupid

CHICKEN AND DUMPLING SOUP

• 10 chicken thighs, boneless
• 4 quarts water
• 1 medium onion
• 2 bay leaves
• 1 tbsp salt
• 1 tsp black pepper
• 1 tbsp garlic powder
• 2 red bell peppers
• 1/2 large package baby carrots
• 8 chicken bouillon cubes
• 2 tubes oven-ready buttermilk biscuits

Combine first 7 ingredients in a large pot. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat and cover for 1 hour. Add chopped peppers and whole baby carrots. Bring back to a boil and reduce heat and simmer for another hour. Chicken should be shredded at this point. Add bouillon cubes and allow to incorporate. Taste stock and add more bouillon to taste. When stock is ready, take unprepared biscuits and dice them by hand, dropping them into the boiling stock, careful not to let newly incorporated dumplings touch. Add ¼ of the biscuits, stir and repeat until all the biscuits are used. Cover and stir thoroughly every five minutes for thirty minutes. Serve with grilled cheese sandwiches.

(grilled cheese should always be cut into triangles)

Tuna. The Freshmaker

OK. Hi. Hello. Howdy.

Archibald loves the summer about as much as he loves candied apples, which is to say, not very much.

It is very hot outside.

Hello? Anybody there? I said it is very hot outside.

(how hot is it?)

It is so hot, that I can't make a joke about it. It's that damn hot.

(head buried)