It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Okay, this has to be one of the funniest shows ever, but it is wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

A couple of quotes from some friends of mine regarding the series:

"They are the wrongest wrong people in all of wrong town."

"Put it this way - the gang from Seinfeld watches them and says - man,those people aren't right."

It's hysterical, and I've only watched the first three episodes.

If you're interested, you can watch the first three seasons on hulu.com. Really, I can only watch two at a time before my cringe factor reaches 10. But I'm smiling from ear to ear as I'm cringing... it really is kind of like Seinfeld on crack.

Those people are just WRONG.

Ninja Cat

The Ninja Cat - Watch more free videos

A few good chickens

Hello, my friends! What have you all been up to? Me, I've been burying my head in the sand for weeks, and do you know what I've found? Besides a lot of termites and ants, I actually found an uneaten beef jerky! But that's another story for another day.

So, I was at the Tennou Sushi Bar for lunch today and something unthinkable happened: a fellow diner, 2 seats down at the bar, didn't eat one of their pieces of TORO! It was quite funny actually. When the guy left, the other two guys who had been sitting on the other side of him and I were all eyeing that glorious piece of fish flesh, sort of daring one another to take it off the plate of the now absent diner and eat it. Seriously considered doing it myself and then we started in on a conversation about it, me and the other two dudes. It goes something like this:

"That is a sin."
"Agreed."
"I almost don't care that it's somebody else's food."
"I know what you mean."

And so on. For what it's worth, I did control myself. No second hand toro was consumed. As for the other two gentlemen, well, I don't know. The toro was still on the plate after I paid my check and left. I kind of hope they split it.

Hello

So, what does this ostrich have to say? Very little indeed. Suffice it to say that very little has been happening in the life of this feathered historical displacement specialist.

Hurricanes suck.

I hope my peeps in Houston all made it through in one peas.

Lipstick.

And now, a photo from the men's room at the Superdome on gameday.

Tina Fey as Sarah Palin

The Weather Here is Kind of Like This

Hurricane Cocktail List

MANDATORY EVACUATION

1 1/2 oz. Absolute Ruby Red vodka
1/2 oz..
vermouth
Clamato juice
Prune juice

Combine vodka and vermouth in cocktail glass.
Fill remainder of glass with
equal parts clamato and prune juice. Stir. Drink.
Ask next-door neighbor
who's fichus tree blew over and crashed onto your roof - even though you'd
warned him for months to uproot it - if you can use his bathroom. Repeat.



======================================================

CATEGORY 5

1/2 oz. vodka
1/2 oz. tequila
1/2 oz. rum
1/2 oz. bourbon
1/2 oz. gin
Sweet-and-sour mix
Splash of fruit juice

Combine vodka, tequila, rum, bourbon and gin in a tall glass.
Fill
remainder of glass with sweet-and-sour mix and splash of juice.
Stir, then
garnish with an inverted drink umbrella.
Drink during peak storm hours, and
vow not to believe anyone who tries to tell you the hurricane that flooded
your garage and destroyed your shed was just a Category 1.




============================================================

CONE OF PROBABILITY

1 oz. cinnamon schnapps
1 sugar cone

Pour the schnapps into the sugar cone.
Every time you hear a TV weatherman
say, "cone of probability," bite off the end of the cone and down the shot.

If you hear Jim Cantore say it, drink two shots consecutively.
(they should
change this to the "Cantore Zone"... damn him.

Have you ever noticed that, despite all the cone of probability talk, if
Cantore is parked in front of your house your ass is toast?) - that is my
personal favorite!


==================================================

FEEDER BAND

2 oz. Midori
2 oz. rum
1 scoop vanilla ice cream

After your home loses power, combine Midori and rum in a cocktail glass.

Add a scoop of th e vanilla ice cream that is melting in your freezer.
Stir,
and drink through a straw.




============================================================

BEACH EROSION

1 1/2 oz. Goldschläger
1 1/2 oz. apple brandy
1 pack Sugar in the Raw

Combine Goldschläger, apple brandy and sugar in cocktail glass.
As you
drink, seriously contemplate moving your Yankee ass back to New Jersey where
it belongs.


============================================================

DOWNED POWER LINE


1 1/2 oz. rum
5 oz. Jolt Cola

Combine ingredients in a cocktail glass.

Drink while trying to figure out how the heck you're supposed to go two
freakin' weeks without television and AC.






============================================================




FLOOD ZONE

2 oz. Kahlúa
2 oz. Baileys Irish cream
4 oz. rum

Serve in a 6-ounce glass and laugh-cry deliriously as the mess spills
all over the countertop.



============================================================

COLD SHOWER

2 oz. Blue Aftershock
4 oz.. Sprite

Combine in a cocktail glass with crushed ice you received after
waiting in line for three hours at a mall parking lot.
Take a deep
breath, sip and scream like a little girl when the cold beverage hits
your tongue.

Repeat.



============================================================




LOOTERS WILL BE SHOT

1 oz. Jack Daniel's
Splash of sarsaparilla
Rock salt

Load both barrels of a shotgun with rock salt.

Climb to the roof of your house with gun, bottle of Jack Daniel's and
can of sarsaparilla.
Fill shot glass with Jack and splash of
sarsaparilla. Watch for looters.
When you spot one, blast his *** with
rock salt. Drink shot. Repeat.






============================================================




THE CHAIN SAW

1 oz. Goldschläger
1 oz. Rumplemintz
3 oz. Jim Beam
Spl ash of vermouth




Combine Goldschläger, Rumplemintz and Jim Beam in an empty soup can.

Add splash of vermouth. Drink.
Remove chain saw from garage and attempt
to cut up fallen tree limbs in yard.
Ask neighbor to drive you to
hospital when it all goes horribly wrong.



============================================================


FOUR-WAY STOP

1 1/2 oz. vodka
1 1/2 oz. vodka and Midori
1 1/2 oz. vodka and Galliano
1 1/2 oz. vodka and grenadine

Pour each ingredient into a separate shot glass.
Serve one to yourself
and three other people.
The person with the clear shot of vodka drinks
first.. The person to his right drinks the Midori shot, and so on.
If somebody drinks out of order, develop a quick case of road rage and
beat the living shit out of him.



============================================================




BLUE TARP

1 1/2 oz. Curacao
2 oz. pineapple juice
Splash of lime

Combine ingredients in a leaky paper cup and serve.

Wait six to eight months for someone to repair the cup.

If you're impatient, hire an unlicensed, out-of-state contractor to do
the job for an exorbitant sum and pray he doesn't hurt himself in the
process.






============================================================




FEMA FIZZLE

1 oz. Southern Comfort
2 oz. sloe gin
Tonic water

One week af ter the storm has passed and your neighborhood is still in
ruins with no sign of help on the way, combine Southern Comfort and gin
in a cocktail glass.
Fill remainder with tonic and add a dash of
Angostura bitters. Serve with a nut brownie.

Before drinking, raise the glass and say the toast, "Doing a helluva
job Brownie

Bad Repp, No Juice

If any of you have been reading Natalie's blog, she is STILL without power in Baton Rouge. That city is starting to remind me of NOLA after Katrina. Shit, my house in NOLA only lost power for 12 hours after Gustav.

Anywhoo, Heidi called to tell me that she's planning on dressing up like a bunny rabbit and hopping her next marathon instead of running. Good luck, Heidi! I think it's a grand plan!

Bad day for Jags

Pre-Game Coin Toss Makes Jacksonville Jaguars Realize Randomness Of Life

Back to Normal

Archibald is back at work. This is a nice, welcome return to normalcy. Hoping all of my peeps in BR get their power back soon and can surf the interwebs at their leisure.

Was unable to attend the Saints game yesterday due to a, ahem, gastrointestinal disturbance. Watched on the telly, though, so all is well.

Hurricane Joke

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

Hold on to your nuts because this is going to be one hell of a blow job.


Get it?

Too Freaking Funny

Jingleheimer Junction- SNL | Funny Jokes at JibJab

Feeder Band Anxiety

Okay, I'm starting to get a little skittish about this whole Gustav thing. My plan is to head to Baton Rouge on Friday evening if the models don't change significantly. What else is an ostrich to do? If the levees break, there will be two feet of water at my house. Thankfully, my house is three feet off the ground.

This whole thing has some serious deja vu about it. Katrina hit the Monday after the last Saints preseason game. If this one comes here, same freaky schedule.

Run to the hills!!!!!!

Me, I don't like hurricanes much

Here's the projected path of Hurricane Gustav! How does that make you feel, boys and girls? Me, I'm not a big fan.

Get ready Sunshine! Archibald is coming to a house near you to read stories to the kids!

Happy to be back at work

Fuck, I really hate the weekends lately. Way too much time stuck alone in my own head. There was one good thing that happened, though. I had a bunch of really good friends join me at the Bulldog for a couple of beers on Friday night. And guess who showed up???

Bad Repp, that's who. Very cool to see her. Natalie informed me that she's no longer scared of me. I found that very amusing.

Amanda Talley was there, too! She's TALL! And always smiling, as usual.

Watched the Saints game on Saturday at my house, solamente Archibald. Spent Sunday trying to get to Monday. The rain didn't help much either.

The March Toward Normalcy

Oh, I don't know. I guess it's just the hot weather, but the last couple of days have dried me out, and I don't mean that on a blood-alcohol-content level. I mean I've just gotten tired of being sad. Good, old-fashioned depression is out. Now, it's just malaise, tainted with a nagging desire for something new, a replacement part, for lack of a better term.

Tomorrow is Friday, a day when people get together and go to Happy Hour and laugh and exchange pleasantries. Am I up for that? Not really sure. Will I give it a shot? Again, I'm ambivalent. Perhaps. I'm sure, after a while, I'll start to feel guilty if I'm having fun, you know, burying my head in the sand like a good ostrich, and I'll want to run off home to bury my head in my pillow and pout (boys don't cry).

These are just random musings. I'm feeling better about things (really!) and so, with that, I am in a mood to move on with my life, for whatever that's worth.

I just wish it weren't so FUCKING hot outside. I mean, seriously. Who turned on the broiler? The steak is done. Time to take it out of the oven and let it rest.

In other news, Caroline started first grade. She's officially a woman. Peace out to Sunshine and her brood.

Back in the Saddle

I've had to take some time off here because, well, my ostrich brain just wasn't the right size to handle what has been up in my life. The Research Scientist is gone, and I will miss her dearly, but the show, as they say, must go on.

I have been in constant communication with Sunshine and, well, it appears there is some trouble in the Creech household. Weebs, with all of his accounting acumen, is apparently unaware that Aunt Liz is a Donkey. This hallucination is troublesome as best.

This pretty much says it all

I apologize, but I love this song and it's amazing. So enjoy. Yes, it's somewhat selfish, but what else is there to do?

The Vader Sessions

Research Scientist Update

Archibald doesn't normally like to talk about things that are bad or sad, so I'll make this brief: RS's condition has gone from critical to stable. Basically, she's no longer on an imminent death watch. Which is a good thing.

For the past 5 days, I have had the same song stuck in my head and can't get it out: "Girlfriend in a Coma" by the Smiths. I'm not joking and it's not funny. I simply can't get it out of my head. If anybody has a suggestion of how I can fix this problem, PLEASE let me know.

Love,
Archibald